We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
