i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
