Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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