No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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