I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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