It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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