she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
