you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
