Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
