WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
