I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
