afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
