i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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