Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
What a dumb baby whore.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
