Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
