I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
