new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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