She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
