im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
