I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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