Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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