fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Congratulations! We have a period
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
