You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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