I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
