Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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