Taylor Swift is so right about you.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
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Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
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I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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