yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think I sprained my soul last night
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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