My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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