do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
