I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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