THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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