i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We got so high we made milksteak
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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