I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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