could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
