dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
