First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
