Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
