in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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