I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
