I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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