i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
