saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
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