toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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