can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
