PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
