I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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