saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
