sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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