If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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