just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
