I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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