He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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