just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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