apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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