haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
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