I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
