An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
