In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
there is puke in my bra ... again
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