um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
