capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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