Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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