you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
