I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
