Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
