so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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