On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
