Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
