Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's rum buckets o'clock
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize