And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
