I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
