$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
babies were throwing up all over the place
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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