I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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