She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
