My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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