So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
