maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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