Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She told me I should be a condom model.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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