I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
