i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I will pee on everything he values.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
